Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Feeling quite emotional...somehow
this few day keep raining.....and rain started to soak me inside out..... kind of emotional.... firstly dear dear going to taiwan this saturday early in the morning... and i cant send her off...... my dad told me to be someone with meaningful skill and be useful person..... thats means i dunno how to " fan Fa" doing illegal stuff.... everything in my mind is to be good to be nice to be kind. but im not so sure about myself. i know there is a crazy part of me violent part of me caring part of me nice part of me workaholic me and pursuing of knowledge of me but im thrown into a place where im seeing all kind of ppl with by left and not by right. wats wrong wats right everything confuse me. but i wan to be right. i wan to have clear conscience......... i just wanted to go back to my study life.... at least book give me more knowledge ........ i wan to fill myself to be something useful like doing maths question and see circuits board. but recently im forgetting everything..... i lose touch in all kind of thing...... im like starting to lose everything......im blinded somehow........i feel im blinded by something but i cant see it i need some outsider to tell me wat am i blinded? by this world by wat?
i cant help thinking much and listening to those oldies to remind me and chilll me down...... but one thing im quite tired somehow. really tired doing one company stuff where only one man is doing.......... living like rats hiding there and here doing carrying a nuclear arrowing board. haiz. each bomb being fire is not arrow but like nuclear got radiation. maybe its a test for me to test my patience my endurance but it will reach till 5 month. after 5 more month i will pursue my knowledge. and i dun wan to live with regret. Jeffrey u last time told me about ur uni life and u are the only tution teacher who is able recognise my ability even though that time im a failure student. i cover my mistake during my poly time. b ut not enough. i will pursue ur step and my father step. i will make sure my whole life pursuing knowledge. i regretted for my past 17 years of life only to make my life fruitful a bit for 3 years.. not enough ... not enough to redeem my own 17 years of sin. looking at my smart and beautiful gf i felt i should be more hardworking than ever to secure a better future. although my life i wont go by left but i will live with a clear conscience a man of right , making by right as my armour. Dun give up ...endure.... persevere..... upgrade and upgrade... never fall.... only to pursue the unlimited knowledge throughout my life...
5:26 AM; &they are gone forever
