Wednesday, August 19, 2009
LOst again
Although alot of time i felt very lost somehow but this few weeks im even more lost. Lost in myself my chest pain all the illness just suddenly attack me.....i felt so useless....felt so troublesome to everyone around me.....army did make one grow but make one tired too....is it i tired myself out may ....at night my chest pain will double....just hope its just normal chest pain...although i did felt something wrong with my heart buy i keep telling myself there is no prob with my heart.but breathing that time sometimes did hurts like a sharp pain.....hope my friend sway mouth dun come true not any heart dieases or wat.......too much thing happen......chest pain really just dun go away it just persist for weeks le.....need to wait till cardiology specialist that will be end of november.......my life wat can i do is only really study and study? i wan grow stronger in army in terms of fitness but dunno y end up to such a useless bum.....end up this chest pain ....height prohbia.....even affecting my normal life.......i really feel like going berserk whenever it comes to height......i felt so .....useless......i cant control my emotion anymore.......always can only wait till no one let i let out all my emotion.......mental and physically being hhurt.....mental hurt by my own height probhia......physically is my chest pain that dun wan go away........ last year in other place there is no such problem yet when come to this camp small minor problem arise....is it my fault? is it me who really cant be positive? i try to be positive .....but end up i feel negative........ i felt so useless.... i started to succeed in none......i can only endure now ....endure..... my only salvation is the love that my dearest bao bei give me......i felt so weak.....i only wanna live very very very very very low profile just like sec school time.......the time where i felt im like a living rat where everybody shouting to kill me or hate me........so prone to any kind of illness now......so weak now..... i see my unit ppl all are so strong all are so fit.....i start to deem myself really more and more dun fit to be there only really just fit to be sai kang warrior only.....i know the logic of dun compare dun complain.....but who will really understand and use it......can only feel my soul like getting smaller my flame start not to burn anymore.......maybe its me who ultimately who cant change or adapt to changes bah......problem still end up and always lie in me........ sometimes i really find myself damn pathetic......... i promise bao bei not to negative and write more positive post but end up i still write negative thing sorry bao bei.....but if its no for ur love i really dun find any meaning in my life.....thank you bao bei i love u ......
6:03 AM; &they are gone forever
