Friday, March 20, 2009
Breakdown
Have u ever once in a week deem as no esteem no confidence?
Have u ever once a week try to care for the ppl u love and ended up hurting or being hurt?
Have u ever once a week been so stress out been so tired out by many thing?
Have u ever once a week do something u never done be4 and u cant take it?
Have u ever once a week trying to understand someone u love and ended up with all the harsh words?
Have u ever once a week trying means and way to protect ur love and ended up unappreciated?
Have u ever once a week really have the heart to meet ur love yet there are so many thing just happen to block the way?
Have u ever try to console ur love one yet ended being hurt so much yet u still let ur love hate herself saying all the harsh thing that she think?
Hadnt i done so much thing using all the action to prove that i tried solving all the prob? i tried but y i fail i dunno y? yesterday night i was giving my love to her ....but the more she speak .....everything sounded i should not even been born to this world..... when the word extra come out......i felt more like im the extra......cause i was deem as extraordinary........ u once say i ought to have my own stand...... here my stand was crush down totally..... i dunno wats wrong with me....recently i just cant accept anything anymore and yet the world whole is asking more and more......be it at work be it family be it love one........i tried to balance thing out so that all would be happy.......but the more i tried the more negative result it ended....... i didnt know when i truly need support and i really had no support at all......whenever i need support i ended up making ppl angry sad hating me..... is just like in the past......my existence was always an extra...... once im used finish just throw me one side and wait to be reuse...... i tried to be nice i tried to control my temper i tried even throwing my temper away so that i wont hurt my love one........when i can finally control.....everything came crashing down on me.... recently my heart getting hurt more and more ...... i think i just wait for it till it cannot handle all the stress and let it burst bah.....ultimately im still deem as a useless guy in the whole wide world.......i cant let my love one be happy ....i hurt her....... i cant totally let my family be happy..... i was scolded......i cant even let my buddy be happy......i was shoot badly........ my love my family and my buddy was my whole life......all just turn against me....... i really hate to be ..... the myself now.......the worst pain of all is i hurt my bao bei so much even when i tried to console i even cant speak up for her and ended up speaking out for myself.....i fail to understand her more......i fail my stress management......i fail everything....... i just hope i dun drag my love down when im really super unlucky this year...... just hope just pray just wish that my love can be heal internally and externally.....hope her asthma wont attack up ever again and no sickness happen to er......just pray that she is safe and sound nothing bad ever happen to her.....and just wish she receive the happiness she ask for...... for i myself i dun wan to ask for more be4 i lose everything.........i know the feeling of losing when u started wan to cherish....... and i hope i still can cherish my bao bei for the rest of my life........ but be4 that i had already breakdown.....i know she also breakdown too le.......but .........i cant get up meanwhile.......just lying down there bleeding bah........ when is the next crisis maybe next week? maybe tomorrow maybe even later........i cannot take it le........ i dun need my gf to control or to give in anymore le....... she is probably too tired too le....... her heart is also tired le....... sorry bao bei that i did not understand u more........i tried ....but i fail...... dun hate yourself please....... just hate me as u can bah...... im sorry......
3:56 PM; &they are gone forever
