Wednesday, August 27, 2008
To others...to myself
To John Gray:Thanks for ur book who let me understand more of my bao bei and avoid alot of misunderstanding and conflict.
TO Bao bei:Sorry for the deleted blog that hurt u so much.....i really meant it by turning over a new leaf .....sorry that let u feel so hurt.
To Myself:Just wanna change for the better yet i step on a own bomb set by myself ...nice one TKY.....everything is really reflect on oneself ......i should have read even more towards the back of the chapter of the book to understand more my bao bei...and should not have type out that stupid blog.....Not sure izzit still too late of turning over the new leaf......just cant forgive myself....Things are never on my side even if its awhile or dayz.......blame who?Blame myself of course......all the teaching are really so true ....be selfish even if its abit ....retribution will fall so much on myself.....yup....and i got it.....so selfish to only think about myself and not others.....serve me right....
To Others:Everything is my own mistake.....blame on me everything as u all wan.....
9:26 AM; &they are gone forever
Saturday, August 16, 2008
5th month anniversary =)
woosh 5th month anniversary wor =) happy sha la la la......Bao bei today treat me cheese cake wor....super high.....hahhaa......then today we walk to borders eat the cheese cake from coffee bean ....then walk around go mark and spencer...hahaha.....she still find shy for wat she written for me hehehe ....secret wor....only i know wat she write ....heheh ...of course she know too lol....oh heaven and earth too..haha...ok i know its cold just trying to be lame....hahaha ...then we go past hilton hotel where i tell her last time my dad bring me there to the top where that place can see alot of star in sg =)...hehe hope to bring her once to let her see the view of the sky.....den we go to forum to the place where she once work at and she told me alot of ppl bully her ....arghz curse those who bully her got no backside ....lol hahahha.....im so evil....so am i hahahaha......den after that we cross the road to far east plaza den my bao bei pei me go buy a gift for my god sis for her weddding ...=) ....congrat to my god sis .....and his finacee....me go his tattoo shop congrat her fiancee...and pass the gift to him to pass to my god sis =)....best wishes to both of them =)......den we all go slowly from far east plaza to centre point for a walk we go to see the place where she like the oni resturant then robert piano then i rbing her to kalm(spell something like that if im not wrrong)...den i bring her to gamaphone to listen to nice music ....AWWWWWWWWW piano spa 5 disc 2 the song miss u badly is OMG sooo nice lah....make me feel like learning piano....haiz....den we walk down ....erm orh orh....hehe....we walk into some shop....that me so PAISEH LAH.....nvm ...den after that from centre point we go to plaza sing....den go there eat eat then we go play piano haha bao bei play piano the position is so nice hahaha.....a very classix lady =)......den after that we went back to bao bei home do some puzzle ....but dunno wats go over me ...haiz.....but overall today is very happy lah i can make bao bei laugh 3 times where she almost cant control her laughter hahaha i should have video cam it aiya.... hahaha....to those who read my blog sorry last time i did not place in those happy thing cause i lack of happy words of vocab thats y i only put in all my emo thing........sorry to those who read but dun assume is true for wat u read cause things may happen far far time be4 le LOL......my english is just so bad haiz.....poor in vocab ...and grammer....- .- anything lah...my english is POOR hahaha.....BAO BEI HAPPY 5TH MONTH ANNIVERSARY
P.S.: I LOVE MY BAO BEI FOREVER (^ -^)
8:59 AM; &they are gone forever
Monday, August 11, 2008
I cant control my tears
Ytd at 1st was suppose to be a very good day never thought everything turn out very bad by some accident..........i was dealt heavy blow 4 times........a day .....all is so fatal..........i make my bao bei lose all the trust in me........and still even though i try consoling her telling her that i still love her as ever confirming her that my love is true even though she accept it but the word break up still keep coming in my mind ......when she go sleep ........i cant help again but to cry even now when im typing......i cried in my dream in my heart..........i let a very loved one lose trust in me ........she say she cant trust anyone anymore...........when i wake up still ytd scene was still so clear and i still cant help to breakdown.............how i wish everything is my fault...............but somehow at the same time i was worrying for her........her health....her thinking ......even though i accepted her apology but yet dunno y everthing turns out for the worst..........a simple love where i give and provide turns out to be distrust.........its all my fault ........how i wish i can admend ytd history .........hope she still can feel that i still love her as always......but still one thing i have to say about her..........ytd........she is so harsh .....and break me .........eventually......at the moment i really cant accept ......i hate reality ........i hate myself even more...............all my old wound act up double the pain and i cant be bother to heal it anymore le.............cause my heart pain even more.................sometimes is my existence in this world is it a wrongful choice or wat...........i fail to give my love all the security she wan i fail to prove her that i understand her .........somehow when i come to think about this my tears will just flow....this few day just count me suay bah .....i let her feel worst than single life........but still i pray hard for her happiness and health.......but dunno y the break up word still in my mind and i just cant control my tears to break down and cry....
8:01 PM; &they are gone forever
Monday, August 4, 2008
Its so incomplete
Ytd night be4 we parted.......i can only say i dun wan to leave........but still the fact i need to leave....she was tired too.....somehow when i last see her face be4 she close the door i keep trying to see and see her..........but the door still need to be shut...............dunno y i felt something is so lost inside me..........that night me on my way home dunno y i suddenly felt so hungry then go nearby kopitiam with my buddies have a drink or 2 .....get to know something ...from them....den today somehow when i wake up my house is the same only im the only one at home.....den after that go dance ddr with buddies they all dunno y ....i still felt so empty...........today without her by my side i can only say im really nothing ....im really a nothing.........when i walk the path when the wind blow its so nice but it will be perfect when she is by my side........i can only say i miss my bao bei .................no matter wat thing i did today i keep missing her like mad.............even when she reply me she wan to be alone im so scared did i do something wrong that make her angry i dunno.......today i got something something that is really very nice i feel like giving her now but still i gotta wait ....should i give it to her during 16 this month or should i give her immediately when we met the next time......i dunno.....today i can only say im very happy that i finally got something that really belong to her ,,,,,but at the same day somehow i felt as if i did something wrong that make her ignore me and letting herself wan to be alone ...........wanna hear her voice when she release wanna call her but she dun wan..........she just wanna be alone 4 awhile ............when i ask her will she be online she say no..........somehow i get depress .............wat did i do wrong.............my tears keep coming out somehow i cant control it .............even when i pray in my evening prayer my mind is thinking of her and almost wash my eyes when praying.........i go take a nap 1st bah ...........i really cant stop thinking about her............i can only say i miss her deeply madly and my life is really incomplete without my bao bei.......when i see the gift i brought her and the ring on hand i broke down..........i miss her...............
2:08 AM; &they are gone forever
