Thursday, July 17, 2008
wat is normal me
today dunno y alot of thinking flow into my mind i cant get off it the more i try to resist the more it flow in more and its driving me crazy and even affected all my feeling and eventually i felt nothingness........suddenly my temper rise and stop rise and stop uncontrollably till im really driving myself crazy i suddenly cant adjust myself to let my foot to walk slowly as i wan ................and finally a hope can in my bao reply me msg ......she asking me out for a walk ....and the thing is im totally unstable........in a very crazy mood.....i very scare i will hurt my bao bei.....................im so scared......thats y during the phone i sound so unwillingly..............and due to this i let her felt insecure..........i let my fear overtake me ............wat a bastard thing i have done again.........im super piss off with myself .............reason.....is because of my unstable mood ......i miss her so much i wanna msg her after she gone but i couldnt.......i let out an aura which totally frighten off all the ppl around and they all shun at me and which i give out icy cold look to them........i can only ssay i hate them..........i hate those ppl who give me that look..........but more importantly for the 1st time i lost my courage to say i miss her...........im dying inside to see her once more again yet i cant .....i dunno y.....i just so really miss her but the feeling of nothingness keep dragging me back ............i lost to myself today..........she indeed cheer me up .......but when she is gone "it" come back haunt me..........trying my best to feel this way le bao bei sorry i tried my best le ...........more importantly im very sorry letting u feel so insecure.......during msn when all the truth have been pour out my heart start to pain and my tears start to flow .........and i finally say i miss her ..........bao bei its not our feeling dan le .......its i love u too much and i dunno how to show out for today.......i cried throughout the night in my heart ..................its so painful cause of my stupid mistake and my dumbness result this ...........and today my bao bei and kw say the same thing be my normal self ...sorry to say today i really forget wat is my ownself......sorry ..............the more i think wat is the normal me the more im confuse u all ask me not to think but i just cant .....i wan to be normal too......but i forget wat is my normal self ................i need someone to help me get back my normal self...........im wanna cry out for help and when i look around all again im lonely ...............i can only start looking at bao bei blog and think of our happy memories to get hold of myself ..........bao bei this is to u :i dun lie especially to u is because i love u too much...cause for me if i start to lie it will make me not loyal to u(thats wat i think) ...but no matter wat i will be loving as how we met and the love will never change and i will never lie to u.....cause u are my dearest.........i love u bao bei....Esther Neo Wan Xin
9:55 AM; &they are gone forever
