Saturday, May 3, 2008
Glass heart
saturday 3rd march early in the morning i was with my dear seeing the star and the moon and suddenly her asthma work up....i was so afraid...i try to call to someone but she hold my hand and dun allow me to call....i was scared and frightened ...then we rest for awhile and i tried to carry her back to clubhouse however she felt more pain.....den we slowly walk back to clubhouse....luckily we met shulan and panying and get the medicine just in time...........i felt so helpless and useless............im such a useless guy.............
After all the trial camp activity she buy a red bull and shared with me den i dunno somehow my mind when abit crazy and start to show all my bad attitude as if im drunk shit me sia.........at the same time i falling sick soon during the meal with her ..........how i wish i can send her home till the end of the day cause i start to panick..........i felt so lost due to my work schedule when can i even meet her up is making me even more lost............i really dun feel like going offf but my heart hurt and the heat pain me alot in my body i need medicine.....at the MRT i saw the train leaving and she was on the other side.......i really cant bear to leave..............i really cant bear to leave....and her action is like not caring about me.........i was hurt i try to hold her hand but she reject me.......
When i reach home i just told my father about my situation so he gave me coconut to drink to clear off the heat in my body then i hurry go back to bed and sleep...........the reason y i hurry go to my bed to sleep is not because im tired..........is because i wanna to cry.............at the second msg i send her saying that im so useless i cry so hard and really like to kill someone and that person is none other than me..............that night i cried to sleep and wake up interval to drink water to clear off my heat i keep seeing my hp did my bao bei reply........and she did not reply and im so sad again .... again and again the cycle repeat itself ......a fragile heart hidden under a cheerful laughter ..............when i finally work up in the morning to prepare for work the 1st thing i still see my hp for hope...........but........hope is never there for me........and there again using this blog to show all my sadness ............wanna tell her but dun wan to affect her studies..........i cant help but cry and type tis blog at the same time..........cause im really hurt...........and im totally lost how i wish i can tell her and she will be able to comfort me but however my hope was always never there for me............wat can i do other than letting my tears flow ................reminding of my old sentence............when tears are dried up wat will flow next........blood.........fresh blood will never end its flow till death has arrived............
4:25 PM; &they are gone forever
