Sunday, April 27, 2008
Angry 27th april 2008
im so happy that i can celebrate my bao bei birthday with her on 26th april 2008 and saw her smile of the day is just so mesmerizing....................however good thing always dun last .....................on the 27 th april i was shock and angry and is sooooooooooooo angry with myself............
I actually cant stop my love from bitting herself and yet she dun wan me to be sad and angry .............come on wat is this .........i realy care for her so much and even allow her to bite on me yet she dun wan and wanna only hurt herself saying that the pain from outside will ease the pain inside...........she totally pain my heart and because she felt that nothing feeling.............why...........i swear to myself that i never ever allow anyone beside me to have that feeling and yet i cant do it ...................and it happen to my love one ................damn me DAMN ME
when going home i did not reply one of msg cause im thinking how to help her yet she msg me and threaten me to bite herself and want me not to feel sad and angry.....................i have no choice but to promise her
............i really had no choice to promise and try to act brave in the msg .......reason:I LOVE HER TOO MUCH TO HURT HER..............................................................im such a useless weakling even i try so hard to make everything the best to her and to everyone beside me ................NOTHING seems like u and i are fated and i may even drag someone close to me feel that .............come on pick on me dun pick on her............leave her alone...............i once reach the final stage of nothingness and ..................just dun wanna say................too heart tearing...........a promise is a promise bao bei if u were able to remember and see my blog ....im saying this I LOVE U
4:29 PM; &they are gone forever
Monday, April 21, 2008
Mistake and carelessness
21st of april i done such a terrible mistake that tear out my heart............i feel like crying all out and this time is tears of sadness cause my heartache...........
the moment i accidentally scare off her and the way she abit ignore me it make me ............think back of the past ...................i was almost going to 4get about everything but everything flash back and it was me who scare of my dear that make her this action.................i hate myself............i wanted to cry on the way home but i just cant cry .........................
The scar is acting back the pain drewing deeper into my heart .....tearing out everything...........she once give me a "hermit crab" and i felt like going back to the shell instead of coming out .............................late night i went back to darkness in search for my soul but never thought ......................i left half only ...................i felt so sick and tired but i remember wat i promis to myself never fall never stop till my time end...........................
Finally know what is call love..............so sweet ................so sad............so painful.........im so willing to give her my everything till im nothing ...................and now indeed im really nothing .....just like the past .................who lead a nothing life ............so ultimately there is noone i can trust in this world no one i can really lay my tired heart on ......................its just so lonely .....so painful
5:07 PM; &they are gone forever
