Friday, March 21, 2008
happy and sad
16/03/2008 god give me something that i wish for...........at 1st i dun feel anything but somehow i know im changing ........im aligning ..........the feel is so different
17/03/2008 can see her again im so happy but i cant send her home cause i got something important thing i need to do ......studying for the job test cant send her home feeling down man
18/03/2008 suddenly got the urge to see her keep fliping my notes and at the same time looking around to see have she arrive..........suddenly wanna see her ............when i see her my heart feel happy......then i hug her when we are in MRT and im hugging her from the back ......kind of feeling nice.....heex......1st time hugging a gal that i like.........then we go to a place where the star and wind are.......and a white cloud that streak across the sky abit like milky way so beautiful.........she lie on my body and im hugging her and my mind just stop thinking of anything.............just like a CPU in sleep mode .........the feeling of pure and innocent ...getting back to where i need to go
19/03/2008 Test scored 81.5 94 for 2 test in NETS
20/03/2008 lost focus get 75 out of 100 almost fail 70 is passing for all test start losing focus and start thinking about her
21/03/2008 suddenly addicted to hugging her le omg now is i wish she is by my side...but not sure will she wan me by her side or not...........
22/03/2008 she go on holiday need to wait for 5 dayz no worry i got something important i need to do my test on monday ............a challenge by the manageer that no one can pass all test at one straight goal and i will do that ........for myself and for her
9:50 PM; &they are gone forever
Sunday, March 9, 2008
- .-
Today see my great grandmother lying in hospital kinda of sad ......after seeing her in pain..........so painful hope that i can share her burden ..................again i just feel so helpless again............dun like this feeling just dun like................
when i reach home as usual doing my chores and looking at my pal blog..............i saw something ........It goes like this , "my heart is closed.or maybe,even locked.i felt betrayed sometimes,or even being used,being treated like a toy.i m so exhausted.pls,dun say u understand this feeling or noe hw i m feeling.it is rubbish.u r nt me,so u'll nv noe.i realli wish to lock myself in a room,blasted the music n lie in my bed foreva.i dun wan to get out..i dun wan to get out n get hurt by the reality in the world.
m tired.i hated all these.no one ever love or understand me.perhaps i m weird,but this world is weirder.
laugh for all u wan for i m dead.i m dead inside out so u r juz laughing at someone hu's dead."
Now then i know im just so naive ............i neglected her feeling ...........i give her an offline msg apologising ............and i somehow kind of feeling low ............everything change again..................im tired going back to sleep...............nothing will revert as it is ..........it will only just continue.........continue till no time............im still as lonely as ever and i never get wat i wan ever in my life.........heh.................i will continue the test as promise .........and i will never head back ............never............................~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
7:02 AM; &they are gone forever
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Terminated
Process complete .....i finally can set my target on the right track with no obstacles.....no more childish sort of relationship ......Free from feeling.....free...........
Towards the target objective ........no pain no gain ............only learn from the harsh way ..........in order to survive..........in order to gain more knowledge.......
Calculator set ..........love will not be in the pavement till target object reach............only forward with pain then will grow if not i will be a real loser to myself..........i.... wanna......reach.......far ....out.......ahead..........till where THE TRUTH is ..........be a real man ...........be your trueself .............although my heart is crying ........but i will not cry........till my time end
5:57 AM; &they are gone forever
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Level Down
Mentally shutting down ......heart and soul remaining in hibernation state..........process completing soon reaching percentage of 60% of conscious.............finding some distraction hoping for to ease to loneliness.........its not painful.......its not painful at all not painful..........not at all..........flu coughing crawling up the body............
hahaha its been years le.............abit more pain also will not hurt too much........just tired.....wanna fufil my destiny and go back to where i belong................i just wanna remain annonymous forever need to get back the feel of annonymous............even if i die .........i just also wanna wish i would die whereby there is no one know im dead..........or even know where my body is.......
61% shutting in process
62% shutting in process
63% shutting in process
Percentage rising on schedule continue to rise .....closing 70% of feeling .........till someone unlock for me .............for i will remain in deep sleep ................sleeping dragon tail...........
6:54 AM; &they are gone forever
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Mistake
Mistake Mistake.....grave mistake .........to SL and EN sorry man cant say to u all personally but sorry man its all misundertanding hope nothing will goes wrong hope so plzs plzs....
Maybe moving on is still the best way sia....
11:54 PM; &they are gone forever
